It seems like forever since I have been on here. There are times that I find so many things going on that when I have time to write here, I am so exhausted that I cannot. Doesn't bode well for having anyone read this, but that's okay. That is not why I write here to begin with.
Where do I start? There is no clear-cut beginnning or ending, at least not yet. I thought I would have to go and get Ashley from college yesterday as she is very sick. Thank goodness her friends have rallied around her and with a strong antibiotic she has made the u-turn to recovery. She seems to really be enjoying her first year in college and is relishing all her new friends. I can really see the adult that is emerging in her. To be honest, I had really dreaded this stage in both of my children's lives. Now, I find I am really looking forward to it. I still get aggravated at the teenager demeanor that sometimes comes through, but all in all I see Ashley becoming the person she was meant to be. She has stood up for her sister, something she has not done in a long time, she has stood up to her father in the right way with the right attitude about it. I have no doubt that she loves him, but she is fluttering those wings. I can see a launch of the feathers soon!!
Autumn has definitely been a different child without Ashley being around. It only took a few seconds of Ashley being home for fall break for them both to be back to their aggravating ways, but I believe that as they both continue down this path that it will happen less and less. They are two totally different people and with about as different personalities and likes as you can imagine, but at heart they are sisters sharing a special bond. I often wonder how different life would have been for me if I had had a sister to share things with. It was not meant to be.
Dad is not feeling well today. He has now begun to say "if I am here then..." I often wonder what goes through his mind as he is nearing the end of his life. Does he understand that the end is near? Does he have regrets? I don't know. He has refused oxygen here at home. So far I see that his 3 units of blood have done him well and at the moment it does not appear that he needs more. He is back in atrial fibrillation today, which is scaring the beejeebers out of Autumn. I wish I could put her fears to rest, but she knows the outcome of this as well as I do. The only questions remaining is how ugly will the end be and when will it happen. I am rather perturbed that I called the on-call service today and had the cardiologist paged, but never received a call back. I guess I will add that to my list of things to do next week.
Funny note of the day, of which won't make any sense to anyone but me unfortunately. The owner of the company I work for is 82 years old. When he asked me today how it went when I had to terminate someone on Thursday my reply was, "she said I was mean." He asked me to repeat what I said. "She said I was MEAN!" His reply? He laughed for about 5 minutes and walked off. Guess I know what he thinks!
I am really thankful for my job. I do work with a good group of people. It's not always easy to remember that when you have to work through the bumps in the road. There are just so many people that have it way worse than I do. It often makes me wonder why I am so blessed. Why did God choose me to bless? I hope to one day be able to ask Him face to face.
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