Well, it appears we have dodge the bullet yet again. Dad was admitted to the hospital on Monday due to a rapid atrial flutter rhythm. After an all day doctor appointment it was decided that the only option was to do a TEE with an electrical conversion. After many hours of waiting, he was converted on Tuesday after the third try. Allison, Dr. Mangione's nurse, said it was a difficult procedure. He is back home now, but he is sleeping ALL the time. Oh well, at least he has not had a stroke.
Work is tiring. I have hired someone else for the Accounts Receivable position. We had a meeting with the managers today that both I and Michael attended. Hopefully it will help.
It's late. Maybe I need to follow my fellow bloggers and start doing "Wordless Wednesdays."
Night peeps.
Oct 22, 2008
Oct 18, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
It seems like forever since I have been on here. There are times that I find so many things going on that when I have time to write here, I am so exhausted that I cannot. Doesn't bode well for having anyone read this, but that's okay. That is not why I write here to begin with.
Where do I start? There is no clear-cut beginnning or ending, at least not yet. I thought I would have to go and get Ashley from college yesterday as she is very sick. Thank goodness her friends have rallied around her and with a strong antibiotic she has made the u-turn to recovery. She seems to really be enjoying her first year in college and is relishing all her new friends. I can really see the adult that is emerging in her. To be honest, I had really dreaded this stage in both of my children's lives. Now, I find I am really looking forward to it. I still get aggravated at the teenager demeanor that sometimes comes through, but all in all I see Ashley becoming the person she was meant to be. She has stood up for her sister, something she has not done in a long time, she has stood up to her father in the right way with the right attitude about it. I have no doubt that she loves him, but she is fluttering those wings. I can see a launch of the feathers soon!!
Autumn has definitely been a different child without Ashley being around. It only took a few seconds of Ashley being home for fall break for them both to be back to their aggravating ways, but I believe that as they both continue down this path that it will happen less and less. They are two totally different people and with about as different personalities and likes as you can imagine, but at heart they are sisters sharing a special bond. I often wonder how different life would have been for me if I had had a sister to share things with. It was not meant to be.
Dad is not feeling well today. He has now begun to say "if I am here then..." I often wonder what goes through his mind as he is nearing the end of his life. Does he understand that the end is near? Does he have regrets? I don't know. He has refused oxygen here at home. So far I see that his 3 units of blood have done him well and at the moment it does not appear that he needs more. He is back in atrial fibrillation today, which is scaring the beejeebers out of Autumn. I wish I could put her fears to rest, but she knows the outcome of this as well as I do. The only questions remaining is how ugly will the end be and when will it happen. I am rather perturbed that I called the on-call service today and had the cardiologist paged, but never received a call back. I guess I will add that to my list of things to do next week.
Funny note of the day, of which won't make any sense to anyone but me unfortunately. The owner of the company I work for is 82 years old. When he asked me today how it went when I had to terminate someone on Thursday my reply was, "she said I was mean." He asked me to repeat what I said. "She said I was MEAN!" His reply? He laughed for about 5 minutes and walked off. Guess I know what he thinks!
I am really thankful for my job. I do work with a good group of people. It's not always easy to remember that when you have to work through the bumps in the road. There are just so many people that have it way worse than I do. It often makes me wonder why I am so blessed. Why did God choose me to bless? I hope to one day be able to ask Him face to face.
Where do I start? There is no clear-cut beginnning or ending, at least not yet. I thought I would have to go and get Ashley from college yesterday as she is very sick. Thank goodness her friends have rallied around her and with a strong antibiotic she has made the u-turn to recovery. She seems to really be enjoying her first year in college and is relishing all her new friends. I can really see the adult that is emerging in her. To be honest, I had really dreaded this stage in both of my children's lives. Now, I find I am really looking forward to it. I still get aggravated at the teenager demeanor that sometimes comes through, but all in all I see Ashley becoming the person she was meant to be. She has stood up for her sister, something she has not done in a long time, she has stood up to her father in the right way with the right attitude about it. I have no doubt that she loves him, but she is fluttering those wings. I can see a launch of the feathers soon!!
Autumn has definitely been a different child without Ashley being around. It only took a few seconds of Ashley being home for fall break for them both to be back to their aggravating ways, but I believe that as they both continue down this path that it will happen less and less. They are two totally different people and with about as different personalities and likes as you can imagine, but at heart they are sisters sharing a special bond. I often wonder how different life would have been for me if I had had a sister to share things with. It was not meant to be.
Dad is not feeling well today. He has now begun to say "if I am here then..." I often wonder what goes through his mind as he is nearing the end of his life. Does he understand that the end is near? Does he have regrets? I don't know. He has refused oxygen here at home. So far I see that his 3 units of blood have done him well and at the moment it does not appear that he needs more. He is back in atrial fibrillation today, which is scaring the beejeebers out of Autumn. I wish I could put her fears to rest, but she knows the outcome of this as well as I do. The only questions remaining is how ugly will the end be and when will it happen. I am rather perturbed that I called the on-call service today and had the cardiologist paged, but never received a call back. I guess I will add that to my list of things to do next week.
Funny note of the day, of which won't make any sense to anyone but me unfortunately. The owner of the company I work for is 82 years old. When he asked me today how it went when I had to terminate someone on Thursday my reply was, "she said I was mean." He asked me to repeat what I said. "She said I was MEAN!" His reply? He laughed for about 5 minutes and walked off. Guess I know what he thinks!
I am really thankful for my job. I do work with a good group of people. It's not always easy to remember that when you have to work through the bumps in the road. There are just so many people that have it way worse than I do. It often makes me wonder why I am so blessed. Why did God choose me to bless? I hope to one day be able to ask Him face to face.
Jun 30, 2008
June 30, 2008
Anybody want a free cat???? She has been fixed and declawed (front paws only). She has NEVER been outside. The dogs are next if they don't get their act together!
Dad is still in the hospital and says he "might" come home tomorrow. Right. He comes home tomorrow I will poop a brick in my pants. He had a nuclear CT scan tonight. Hopefully we will hear the results of that in the morning. Something has got to give.
Today has not been the best of Mondays. I am ready for a few days off. I told my boss this morning that I would not be working Saturday, that I needed some time off. He doesn't seem to really care one way or the other as long as I get the new payroll system figured out. Let me just say that I will be making multiple phone calls tomorrow to get it figured out. I need this done so that I can concentrate on other things. There is not really much to talk about tonight. I am counting down the days until we go to Greeneville to orientation. Kind of silly for me to be looking forward to taking Ashley to orientation, but I get to GET AWAY!!!
Night peeps. I will let you know if there is news on Dad's condition.
Dad is still in the hospital and says he "might" come home tomorrow. Right. He comes home tomorrow I will poop a brick in my pants. He had a nuclear CT scan tonight. Hopefully we will hear the results of that in the morning. Something has got to give.
Today has not been the best of Mondays. I am ready for a few days off. I told my boss this morning that I would not be working Saturday, that I needed some time off. He doesn't seem to really care one way or the other as long as I get the new payroll system figured out. Let me just say that I will be making multiple phone calls tomorrow to get it figured out. I need this done so that I can concentrate on other things. There is not really much to talk about tonight. I am counting down the days until we go to Greeneville to orientation. Kind of silly for me to be looking forward to taking Ashley to orientation, but I get to GET AWAY!!!
Night peeps. I will let you know if there is news on Dad's condition.
Jun 29, 2008
June 29, 2008
The roller-coaster ride continues. Dad was admitted to the hospital yesterday. This time it is not his heart. After meeting with the lung specialist and Dad's on-call doctor, it is determined that another specialist, another CT scan, and a few other tests are needed on top of the CT scan that has already been done and the multiple upon multiple blood draws. This doctor seems determined to get to the bottom of the issue, but has named a few scary things (such as pulmonary embolism) as possible scenarios. I am beyond guessing at this point. It just doesn't pay. I just wonder how many things can continue to be wrong with him. This is admission #4 for this year.
I received confirmation that Gerald will be here the 18th. I have lots to do in between then and now, and really don't see how it will all happen. It doesn't matter, I have to try. There are a few things that must happen. Clean the carport (about a two hour job), rearrange the den (about two to three hours), and then do molding work in the den and in the hallway. I then have to patch the hole in the wall in the bathroom closet from repairing the plumbing. Then, I need to build the half wall in the kitchen on the backside of the bar. Then, depending on how much time is left (HA!!) I will regroup and see what is left to be done.
I have called Greg like four or five times to update him on what is wrong with Dad. He doesn't answer his phone. When I call Lora's phone it goes straight to voicemail. I find it ridiculous that he knows Dad is in the hospital, has not called for an update, and then, when I have something to tell him he isn't where I can talk to him. He hasn't bothered to call me back. Honestly, I don't know that I want to talk to him. I feel like I am the older sister and he is the baby.
I promised a list for changing my life. Well, I have to say that Dad preempted that with this unexpected trip to the hospital. I will get back to that. I am determined to do some things that I feel are beneficial for me and what I believe my life is supposed to be. I would have to say that knowing that I am over Bill was a big step in that direction. It doesn't hurt as much to think about what he promised, what he did, and where he is now. I know that it was never meant to be. I am grateful that maybe I was able to keep him from hurting someone else and her children. That means a lot. I believe that I will never date again, but that in and of itself does not mean that life is over. There is a lot that I can accomplish without a man in my life. I am sort of anxious to see what that will entail.
More tomorrow.
I received confirmation that Gerald will be here the 18th. I have lots to do in between then and now, and really don't see how it will all happen. It doesn't matter, I have to try. There are a few things that must happen. Clean the carport (about a two hour job), rearrange the den (about two to three hours), and then do molding work in the den and in the hallway. I then have to patch the hole in the wall in the bathroom closet from repairing the plumbing. Then, I need to build the half wall in the kitchen on the backside of the bar. Then, depending on how much time is left (HA!!) I will regroup and see what is left to be done.
I have called Greg like four or five times to update him on what is wrong with Dad. He doesn't answer his phone. When I call Lora's phone it goes straight to voicemail. I find it ridiculous that he knows Dad is in the hospital, has not called for an update, and then, when I have something to tell him he isn't where I can talk to him. He hasn't bothered to call me back. Honestly, I don't know that I want to talk to him. I feel like I am the older sister and he is the baby.
I promised a list for changing my life. Well, I have to say that Dad preempted that with this unexpected trip to the hospital. I will get back to that. I am determined to do some things that I feel are beneficial for me and what I believe my life is supposed to be. I would have to say that knowing that I am over Bill was a big step in that direction. It doesn't hurt as much to think about what he promised, what he did, and where he is now. I know that it was never meant to be. I am grateful that maybe I was able to keep him from hurting someone else and her children. That means a lot. I believe that I will never date again, but that in and of itself does not mean that life is over. There is a lot that I can accomplish without a man in my life. I am sort of anxious to see what that will entail.
More tomorrow.
Jun 26, 2008
June 26, 2008
I had a really bad day yesterday. It was my birthday and I had talked to Bill twice the day before. Talking to him brought back more emotions than I had anticipated and before I hung up the phone I was crying once again. I left a message on his blog not to call me again. He has obviously made his choices since he has a new girlfriend, promised her the same things that he promised me, and promised things to her children that he will never fulfill. I am glad that I warned her that he wouldn't. I don't want anyone else's children hurt by him like mine have. I want nothing further to do with him. Since I made that decision, I have felt better. I just hate that even though I didn't talk to him on my birthday that he was able to ruin it anyway. I have made my peace with the fact that I will never marry and that I will never have another child. It hurts that he took that away from me, but there has to be something else out there to look forward to.
I am tired today. I am tired most days, so that's nothing unusual in and of itself. Autumn made me a chocolate pound cake for a belated birthday cake. I just couldn't do it yesterday. I really need a break from caring for dad, but I honestly do not believe I will get one until he is gone. He is hard to take care of and it's hard to know how to meet his needs. He complains about everything, and insists on things being done his way whether the rest of us like it or not. Usually I would not tolerate such behaviour out of any many, but my father gets to do it and I just go on.
Ashley broke up with Sean last night. Poor girl cried most of the night. She even came and got in bed with me, which is extremely unusual. She needed some mom time I guess. She has always been such a daddy's girl that it's difficult for me at times. It was kind of nice to have her laying there wanting Mom. Anyway, it appears that she will survive. I can't say that I am sad to see Sean go. He has been a thorn in my side since day one. I can't wait for her to date someone that I find is a good match for her. I hope that she waits for that match. God knows I don't want someone like Bill Weber coming along and trying to date my child.
I find that when I need to make changes in my outlook on things and what I want to happen in my life that I need to make lists. I am way too tired to do this tonight, but I have been thinking about it all day. I will probably post a couple of lists on here in the next few days. It will be interesting to see if it helps my mood.
Good night Internet.
I am tired today. I am tired most days, so that's nothing unusual in and of itself. Autumn made me a chocolate pound cake for a belated birthday cake. I just couldn't do it yesterday. I really need a break from caring for dad, but I honestly do not believe I will get one until he is gone. He is hard to take care of and it's hard to know how to meet his needs. He complains about everything, and insists on things being done his way whether the rest of us like it or not. Usually I would not tolerate such behaviour out of any many, but my father gets to do it and I just go on.
Ashley broke up with Sean last night. Poor girl cried most of the night. She even came and got in bed with me, which is extremely unusual. She needed some mom time I guess. She has always been such a daddy's girl that it's difficult for me at times. It was kind of nice to have her laying there wanting Mom. Anyway, it appears that she will survive. I can't say that I am sad to see Sean go. He has been a thorn in my side since day one. I can't wait for her to date someone that I find is a good match for her. I hope that she waits for that match. God knows I don't want someone like Bill Weber coming along and trying to date my child.
I find that when I need to make changes in my outlook on things and what I want to happen in my life that I need to make lists. I am way too tired to do this tonight, but I have been thinking about it all day. I will probably post a couple of lists on here in the next few days. It will be interesting to see if it helps my mood.
Good night Internet.
Jun 24, 2008
June 24, 2008
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!! WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU.
I had a wonderful morning after speaking to "TN" last night. It was like a weight was lifted off of me. I had thought that after not hearing from Bill last night that I wouldn't, but he called twice today. I didn't want to talk and didn't have time to talk. He said he would call back later, but didn't. Just as well. There is nothing to talk about. I expressed to him what I needed to. He can go back to being dead to me. (oh no, MR. BILL!!).
Okay, that was bad, even for me.
It's been a long work day. There are issues greater than just our software, but my hands are tied and I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall in order just to listen to them. I get tired of the two-year-old gotta-have-it-my-way mentality in the office. I RULE, not you. NO, I RULE. Whatever. Just go do your blankety blank job.
Enough. I didn't come back after all this time to rant and bitch. It's been a hard year. Dad has been in the hospital three times, the first requiring 35 days in-patient. Both of the other two (one which ended a week ago) required a weeks stay and five days stay respectively. At this point if we go to the ER we know we are staying. I have a permanent bag packed.
Ashley is getting nervous about starting college. It seems unreal to me that she is no longer in high school. She, of course, has already asked that if she didn't like being away can she transfer back home and move back in. LOL. Like I wouldn't let her. We go the 18th of July for orientation, paperwork, etc. She moves in August 14th. It will be here before I am ready for it.
Poor Autumn has not been able to drive much. I just don't have time to let her learn between taking care of Dad, working 50+ hours a week, and then doing what housework has to be done. There just isn't enough of me to go around. Autumn has been baby sitting, but now that her charges are off visiting grandma and grandpa she needs to find a real job. The problem is that she cannot drive herself to find said job.Repeat from paragraph beginning.
Unfortunately I don't have the energy to even attend church right now. I miss it horribly. That doesn't mean that my faith is any less or that my beliefs are in question. They are not. I know who my God is and He knows me. I have found that since I was told that my writings were too emotional to read, that I second guess myself and then choose not to write. My writing has often been an outlet for me. Maybe now I can get back to something that I love. There are definitely lots of things to write about. Nothing that I feel like writing at the moment though. Hang in there Internet. The real -gwyn is going to return!!
I had a wonderful morning after speaking to "TN" last night. It was like a weight was lifted off of me. I had thought that after not hearing from Bill last night that I wouldn't, but he called twice today. I didn't want to talk and didn't have time to talk. He said he would call back later, but didn't. Just as well. There is nothing to talk about. I expressed to him what I needed to. He can go back to being dead to me. (oh no, MR. BILL!!).
Okay, that was bad, even for me.
It's been a long work day. There are issues greater than just our software, but my hands are tied and I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall in order just to listen to them. I get tired of the two-year-old gotta-have-it-my-way mentality in the office. I RULE, not you. NO, I RULE. Whatever. Just go do your blankety blank job.
Enough. I didn't come back after all this time to rant and bitch. It's been a hard year. Dad has been in the hospital three times, the first requiring 35 days in-patient. Both of the other two (one which ended a week ago) required a weeks stay and five days stay respectively. At this point if we go to the ER we know we are staying. I have a permanent bag packed.
Ashley is getting nervous about starting college. It seems unreal to me that she is no longer in high school. She, of course, has already asked that if she didn't like being away can she transfer back home and move back in. LOL. Like I wouldn't let her. We go the 18th of July for orientation, paperwork, etc. She moves in August 14th. It will be here before I am ready for it.
Poor Autumn has not been able to drive much. I just don't have time to let her learn between taking care of Dad, working 50+ hours a week, and then doing what housework has to be done. There just isn't enough of me to go around. Autumn has been baby sitting, but now that her charges are off visiting grandma and grandpa she needs to find a real job. The problem is that she cannot drive herself to find said job.Repeat from paragraph beginning.
Unfortunately I don't have the energy to even attend church right now. I miss it horribly. That doesn't mean that my faith is any less or that my beliefs are in question. They are not. I know who my God is and He knows me. I have found that since I was told that my writings were too emotional to read, that I second guess myself and then choose not to write. My writing has often been an outlet for me. Maybe now I can get back to something that I love. There are definitely lots of things to write about. Nothing that I feel like writing at the moment though. Hang in there Internet. The real -gwyn is going to return!!
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