June 24, 2008

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!! WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU.

I had a wonderful morning after speaking to "TN" last night. It was like a weight was lifted off of me. I had thought that after not hearing from Bill last night that I wouldn't, but he called twice today. I didn't want to talk and didn't have time to talk. He said he would call back later, but didn't. Just as well. There is nothing to talk about. I expressed to him what I needed to. He can go back to being dead to me. (oh no, MR. BILL!!).

Okay, that was bad, even for me.

It's been a long work day. There are issues greater than just our software, but my hands are tied and I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall in order just to listen to them. I get tired of the two-year-old gotta-have-it-my-way mentality in the office. I RULE, not you. NO, I RULE. Whatever. Just go do your blankety blank job.

Enough. I didn't come back after all this time to rant and bitch. It's been a hard year. Dad has been in the hospital three times, the first requiring 35 days in-patient. Both of the other two (one which ended a week ago) required a weeks stay and five days stay respectively. At this point if we go to the ER we know we are staying. I have a permanent bag packed.

Ashley is getting nervous about starting college. It seems unreal to me that she is no longer in high school. She, of course, has already asked that if she didn't like being away can she transfer back home and move back in. LOL. Like I wouldn't let her. We go the 18th of July for orientation, paperwork, etc. She moves in August 14th. It will be here before I am ready for it.

Poor Autumn has not been able to drive much. I just don't have time to let her learn between taking care of Dad, working 50+ hours a week, and then doing what housework has to be done. There just isn't enough of me to go around. Autumn has been baby sitting, but now that her charges are off visiting grandma and grandpa she needs to find a real job. The problem is that she cannot drive herself to find said job.Repeat from paragraph beginning.

Unfortunately I don't have the energy to even attend church right now. I miss it horribly. That doesn't mean that my faith is any less or that my beliefs are in question. They are not. I know who my God is and He knows me. I have found that since I was told that my writings were too emotional to read, that I second guess myself and then choose not to write. My writing has often been an outlet for me. Maybe now I can get back to something that I love. There are definitely lots of things to write about. Nothing that I feel like writing at the moment though. Hang in there Internet. The real -gwyn is going to return!!